The Interview
by THE-ONE-TRUE-BATMAN
Summary: Robin leaves Batman, so Batman holds some replacement Robin interviews. Will Robin be replaced?


**Disclaimer: I don't own Batman, Robin, Nightwing, the Joker, Catwoman, Superman, or Alfred! SO DONT SUE ME!**

**I simply wrote this out of boredom in second block... There was nothing to do and i was gonna die of boredom! So I decided to write a play about Robin leaving Batman... I am not on crack! I swear! This is the product of the energy drink Monster :) yummm... anywho ENJOY!**

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><p><span>Act 1<span>

_[__Enters Robin into the Batcave, where Batman sits staring at a wall, brooding__]_

**Robin: How could you?**

**Batman: What I do this time?**

**Robin: You KNOW what you DID! Don't pretend you don't know! You did IT, so you know!**

**Batman: **_[__continues staring at wall]_**Are you PMSing?**

**Robin: NO! … Maybe… That's none of your business! **_[__Batman remains silent] _**You don't love me anymore! I'm leaving and never coming back!**

_[__Robin runs out, crying hysterically. (This is obviously a lover's quarrel, if you ask me.)]_

**Batman: Alfred?**

_[__Alfred enters the Batcave and Batman turns to him.]_

**Alfred: Yes, Master Wayne?**

**Batman: Set up some replacement Robin interviews.**

**Alfred: Yes, Master Wayne.**

_[__Alfred exits.]_

Act 2

_[__Batman is seated at a bar. Enters Catwoman.]_

**Catwoman: Hello, lover. **_[Catwoman winks at Batman] _**I'm here to replace Robin.**

**Batman: Uh, but you can't! **_[Batman jumps back in surprise, thus falling out of his chair.]_

**Catwoman: Aw, why not?**

**Batman: Because I'm more of a dog person.**

**Catwoman: That's not what you said last night!**

_[__Catwoman slaps Batman and stomps off.]_

**Batman: Next?**

_[__Enters… Nightwing?]_

**Batman: NO! You just want to be Batman! It's my title! MINE!**

_[__Batman runs and hides in emo corner, mumbling to himself about the voices in his head.]_

**Nightwing?: No, Bats, I just want to have what we used to. Remember all those wonderful nights? Those times I had to help you put on your tights? Or that time…**

**Batman: You never helped me put on my tights! Superman did! Imposter! Who are you?**

**Nightwing?: Oh, Batman, can't you tell?**

_[__Nightwing? giggles insanely.]_

**Batman: That voice… Black Canary?**

**Nightwing?: Do I sound like a girl?**

**Batman: Obama?**

**Nightwing?: No.**

(500 guesses later….)

**Batman: Hugh Hefner?**

**Nightwing?: NO! It's me, the Joker! Forget this! You can't even remember my insane laughter? I SHUN YOU!**

_[__Joker storms off angrily, still giggling insanely.]_

_[__Alfred enters with a bag of dry cleaning.]_

**Alfred: Master Wayne, I…**

**Batman: Alfred, you're too old to be Robin, and too tall to fit in the costume. And most importantly, if you're helping me fight crime, who will make me pie?**

**Alfred: Sir, I'm just here to…**

**Batman: No! You must make me pie!**

**Alfred: I know, Master, I'm just here to give you your tights.**

**Batman: No, stop begging, Alfred! You can't be Robin and that's… Wait, what about my tights?**

_[__Batman looks offended.]_

**Alfred: Your dry cleaning, sir?**

**Batman: Oh! My tights!**_[Batman dances with glee. Batman pauses] _**If anyone asks, I just glared you into a mild coma, okay?**

**Alfred: Of course, sir.**

_[__Alfred hands Batman his tights. Batman runs off to put on his clean tights.]_

**Batman: Alfred? Do these tights make my butt look big?**

**Alfred: Of course not, sir. Your butt looks very firm.**

**Batman: Well, of course it does, I'm Batman.**

_[__Alfred exits, promising to make pie.] _

**Batman:**_[Batman sighs] _**Will I ever be able to replace Robin?**

_[__Enters Superman, hiding something behind his back.]_

**Superman: Bats, we need to talk.**

**Batman: Oh, no! I'm not taking you back! You left me because you were scared to…**

**Superman: What? Oh, no! Not that! I'm talking about Robin.**

**Batman: You're going to pay child's support?**

**Superman: Pssh... No. I'm here to return him. **_[Superman drags Robin out from behind him.]_** He follows me everywhere… and I mean **_**everywhere…**__[Superman pauses for dramatic effect.] _**… and he never stops whining about how much he misses you! Take him!**

**Batman: I will if you give me $15,000 for child's support.**

**Superman: How about I give you 5 cookies and a pie?**

**Batman: Make it 10 fortune cookies and 2 chocolate pies, and it's a deal!**

**Superman: Deal!**

_[__Superman shoves Robin at Batman]_

_Act 3_

_[__Enter Batman and Robin, they sit at the dinner table. Alfred stands in the corner.]_

**Batman: Dick, go clean your room.**

**Robin: No!**

_[__Glare of Doom.]_

**Robin: Yes, father/mother. Which are you anyways? You should really make it clearer. Because Superman says he's…**

**Batman: Shut up and I'll buy you a dinosaur.**

**Robin: Really? YAY! Make sure it's purple with pink and blue polka dots. Oh and can you make it.**

**Batman: And you won't have to clean your room.**

**Robin: Yes! Seeya.**

_[__Robin exits looking bored. Leaving Batman to glare at the table.] _

**Alfred: Oh, I did miss Master Grayson.**

**Batman: Eh.**

_[__Batman sulks over to emo corner in Batcave to brood.]_

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><p><strong>I know it's pointless but eh life is pointless! Anywho, tell me if you liked it or hated it or know what the plural of platypus is!<strong>


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